Navigating disappointment and what I’m realising about my creative journey
The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new — Socrates. Inspired wallpaper for Insider List members
I’ve been feeling disappointed these few weeks
Disappointed at the lack of flow I’m feeling
Disappointed at the lack of painting I got done
Disappointed at the timing not meeting my expectations. At the behaviour I’m seeing and feeling not being what I want it to be
Disappointed that this email didn’t go out on Sunday as planned nor is it the ’correct’ format
It’s so interesting that in my personal development journey this year, what has come up has been around my capacity and relationship with disappointment.
Namely that I avoid it like a death sentence.
I don‘t trust my ability nor my capacity to handle it. Yet…. I have faced disappointment many times in my life and we’re actually old friends.
Guess what? I have survived EVERY. SINGLE. ENCOUNTER
So I’m also feeling so much freedom.
I finally decided to let it go
By removing the deadline(s) that had felt like a noose around my neck and the pressure that came with it
I’m putting aside this new painting collection. Not deleting or leaving it completely. I’m just pressing pause.
It turns out I’m an adult and I can choose to change or remove completely any deadlines that I had set for myself!?!
I can free myself!
I don’t have to wait for permission or perfection.
I can just choose it now even in the messy imperfection AND even if I’m feeling a little disappointed.
I can choose to see it as a failure in my commitment to my word OR as a continued commitment to working with what is aligned with my desires and the divine inspired flow I connect with.
So while my ego and pride feels really disappointed that I don’t have any new paintings in progress to update you with…
(They ARE still ways for you to work with me! Keep reading!)
…I keep reminding myself that I have been working with continuous creative flow in my days.
Instead of paintings I’m colouring in pixels
Instead of washing brushes I’m editing layouts and logos
Instead of practicing compositions & colour relationships, I’m navigating a new relationship with food & my body
Instead of contemplating paint textures and mark making, I’m contemplating depth and symbolism with my Soulful Sigil creations.
(More details below on how you can work with me on these things!)
I’m realising that I’m on a journey of unraveling the way I see my art beyond just paint and even my call to be a creative mentor
I’m breaking apart what I’ve unconsciously decided are ‘the correct way’ and given my power away to made up rules
I’m re-thinking how I see my creative calling & leadership as well as my business model and marketing strategy
It’s actually a very creative process AND
I’m right in the ugly mess in the middle of the process.
Where I’m in between the romantic & exciting beginning and the satisfying & blissful ending.
It makes me wonder:
Aren’t we always in the messy middle of something or other?
Especially as creative beings committed to the journey of growth and evolution and transformation?
These questions has no real answers AND it is ALL feeding my contemplation and inspiration for the new painting collection — around celebrating and acknowledging the beauty of the broken and messy parts of us.
Of life. Of relationships. Of growth and evolution
While I’m putting that painting collection on hold — the reason I can with a peaceful heart is because my house is ALMOST getting close to completion.
Fingers crossed that I only have a handful of weeks to go before I can get back into my OWN studio space!!!
And move in the kids & my kitchen & all that other stuff too of course. But my own studio!! OMG I cannot find the words to express how much longing I’m barely holding in my body!
I might be celebrating too early — it’s still over a month away and who knows if there is another lockdown or delay….but right now, in this season of disappointment and waiting…I NEED to celebrate in anticipation and hold possibility closer to my heart.
I feel like my creative process has always been preparing me for this journey.
Embracing and expanding my capacity for disappointment…. And stepping forward in faith and focusing on the possibility anyway.
Embracing the imperfection and the mess…and seeing the beauty hidden in the mud and unraveling the inspiration within
Embracing the doubts & disappointment (it’s really my ego & perfectionist self that’s feeling this!)… and choosing to keep creating and expressing and doing the work I’m called to do anyway
Choosing courage in the face of overwhelming Resistance and fear
Choosing to see beauty
Choosing to flow with my creativity even if it doesn’t quite look like what I had hoped it would
Art has that beautiful way of reminding us to choose & see differently.
To see the beauty within.
To reflect on & express the divine inspiration available (even in the ugly mud).
To connect deeper to the sacred journey we are on.
💖
Ways to work with me
If your business or personal brand needs to step up to the next level — reply to this email to talk to me about your visual brand & marketing needs. Think logos, style guide, social media images, launch promos, course workbooks or even old-school business cards
I blend my intuitive creative gifts with my marketing & branding design expertise to help you express your heart & message in your visuals for your business.
If you’re feeling the nudge to connect like I am to a new vision, new desires, new intention, a new way of being for the next half of the year (or you want to declare & claim those desires for life/business/launch) — Commission your own SOULFUL SIGIL.
It’s artwork that will remind you of what you are choosing to call into your life
As for me….
I’ll be immersed in school holiday duties & diving into branding & logo design work (it is strangely rejuvenating to come back to my first creative career!)
I’m still chipping away at updating and improving the Creativity Catalyst course, the new painting collection AND dabbling with a sketchbook project that is just for me
Keep me in your prayers (fingers crossed for miraculous renovations) & my sanity during this time!
I’m praying that you’re feeling the flow of creativity & inspired connection, even if it doesn’t quite look the way you imagined.